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Starting A Conversation In Public

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Here is a quick story about a recent conversation which was pleasant, but not a “success”, from the real world (not online):

One guy was at a coffee shop earlier this month in a suburb of a top 10 population city in the U.S.  He was working on his laptop when an obviously in-shape woman sat down to eat something healthy at the next table.  No, she did not have a ring on her finger…. you should check that first once you are of a certain age!

They both smiled at each other and she was then on the phone with a friend.  After a few minutes, one of the ladies working at the counter said something funny which made everyone in the nearby area smile.

He asked the girl next to him if she knew the lady at the counter.  That led to a conversation which, inevitably, got to training.  She said that she had competed in figure competitions about a year before. Since he knew about the NPC and natural federations she at least appreciated the fact that he didn’t ask her about bench press weights and flexing!

They laughed a little bit about training and mistakes people made in the gym.  She wasn’t very playful in the conversation, but she also responded as well as possible since she came in to grab some food right after working out.  She also volunteered that it was her first workout back in a while since she had been dealing with an illness plus traveling for work.

It led to more conversation and then she had a phone call from family.  She politely said that she had to go, waved goodbye and then left while on the phone.



  • Nothing special here, but the guy maintained his dignity and was polite the whole time
  • Used the environment (coffee shop + happenings in the environment) to open and initiate conversation
  • Talked like an “insider” to her, including using inside jokes
  • Kept his poise and the conversation went on for about 5-10 minutes
  • He lost out due to the phone call, so no “victories” here… but the purpose isn’t meant to be a win/lose –> the takeaway is to remain in control of yourself and be a “cool customer” during these unexpected opportunities

Whether he sees her again or not is not the big picture.  The big picture is that he proved to himself that he was able to initiate conversation, generate some laughter, and be calm and not acquiesce to ask her about her muscles or other “dorky” behavior in initial conversations.  He talked to her like any other woman and was able to generate a little bit of favorable response.

Is there room for improvement?

Certainly.  It is not always easy to be gregarious when faced with a beautiful, muscular woman unexpectedly.  Over time he will be able to hone his confidence and be more prepared should the opportunity happen again, either with her or another woman.

Nonetheless, he was able to have a quality conversation and maintain his self-respect.  A good starting point and it can give him some internal momentum for future encounters in similar situations.

To get a number of places to start going online to meet female bodybuilders, figure competitors, physique competitors and bikini models then start your search here.

Updated: March 17, 2015 — 11:14 pm
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